Our bundle of joy is smiling and giggling alot more now and that fills my heart with so much joy! Its those little things in life that fulfill you for sure. I remember when she was an infant and we seldom got a smile and wondered if we would ever hear her laugh. The doctors said her vocals were not strong so that left us in question. But I also remember the first ever real giggle we got! Me, Shaun, and Isabella was in our room about to go to bed and I was going to give her a little tickle just to see what she would do. She holds it in alot because it takes so much effort to really laugh, but she was able to break through with a giggle, a REAL GIGGLE, just for her mommy and daddy! And I was so happy Shaun was there to witness it as well. He doesn't really voice his deep feelings and the pain he has felt since Isabella has been born. He focuses rather on the positive, excepts life how it is, and makes the best of everything. I commend him for that and wish I could be more like him at times. I have definitely been bitter and constantly wonder why God allowed this to happen to my baby. It has tested my faith far beyond measure. And if this is a test, I'm not sure yet if I've passed. So at times like this, I really wish I could be more like Shaun!:)..But on the other hand, there are moments when I'm glad I haven't excepted this on my child. Like when I read the Bible and I'm reminded that Jesus took 39 stripes at that whipping post for our healing. All sickness, All disease, Everything! He is the Healer! And I know He doesn't want Isabella to struggle through life. We as children of God have a right to ask for healing from our Father. Yes, this may be a test that it feels as though I'm failing, and yes, I definitely feel unworthy to ask anything of Him, But, I have to. I have to for my daughter. She can't ask for herself so I'm her voice. But I also know God is ok with me asking for Me..because I'm His child just like she is. I'm a child asking for healing of her child. I know that has to touch Him in some way. He IS Love, how can He not be moved with compassion when His own child is asking Him out of love to heal her baby? I believe God allowed this to happen but I also believe He never intended for her to remain in this condition. the 58th chapter of Isaiah teaches us to call a solemn fast, to offer unto God a holy life, to give Him the first of our day and ourselves. And then it says we can call upon Him, and He will answer, and our health shall spring forth speedily! And it goes on to say that the blessings of God will be upon us in such a way that we cannot imagine.. Does not that include the healing of our bodies??..The healing of our children??..That they may stand as a testimony to the world that God is God, and He hears and answers the prayers of His children?!! Maybe God wants me to have this attitude because thats what it will take to change the situation. I admit I have used this kind of thinking in the worst way, being angry with God..its not a good postition to be in, and its an awful feeling to think that God doesn't love you. But if I could only direct my thinking toward seeking God the way He wants me to seek Him, I know things would change in mine and Isabella's life. Its so hard though..its hard to be positive when you're constantly reminded of the pain..I guess I should replace those times with prayer and reading, and in doing so, replace the weakness with strength. Please remember me in your prayers that I have the strength and perserverance to seek out my daughter's healing because she deserves it. I'll take her like she is ten times over, but if she could talk I know she would say "Mama, could you ask God to heal me?"..And I can't go through life and not ask HIm to do so..If He doesn't, then so be it, He's God, but it won't be because I didn't ask. So remember us when you pray please..We are looking for better days ahead, but for now, we have our baby and we are enjoying every laugh and every giggle ten times more than a normal child and that makes it even more exciting. If there is one thing I've learned through this trial,it is to appreciate the small things, because when you don't have them, they are suddenly really big things:)
I LOVE YOU ISABELLA KATE TURNER MORE THAN WORDS CAN SAY!!
