On another not so good, Isabella has made two unwanted trips to the hospital and doctor's office in the past two weeks. Her fever shot up and she had to get blood work and a urine test and a chest x-ray. She had a UTI but its gone now. She also had a spot on her lungs but the x-ray is showing that it is clearing up..Yay!.. She's cutting more teeth, so she may not be a happy camper for a while.(...Can't wait till all those teeth or in for good!
Motherhood is definitely a wonderful thing, something I wouldn't trade for anything, but its also a very scary thing if you think about it. Loving someone so very much and knowing that they are your reason for living is alot to feel. Its amazing but it scares me to death too!..This love is so powerful, its unlike anything else. I have found that as a parent, you live through your children. If they are happy, your happy. If they are sad, your sad. When they hurt, you hurt. With all Isabella is going through, I feel I am going through it as well. Right there with her. Even though sometimes I feel she is way tougher than me..:)..When I look at my daughter and see her held back in so many ways, trapped to an extent, I feel trapped too. I see her in need of healing, and I see I need that healing too. When I'm around other mothers who have babies and they are talking about what their babies are doing and saying and accomplishing, I feel totally left out of the conversation. I feel like an outcast, and I feel my child has been pushed out too. I know the other mothers are innocent in their words, but I feel only parents going through the same thing would really understand. It goes over everyone else's head so fast, but when you are faced with these trials, you sart to notice things you didn't before. When you hear people say "I can't wait till my child starts walking!"..it hits me like hot water in my face..I want to say "Hey, my child is almost two and she can't sit up!".."Be patient and be thankful!"..But I have to remind myself they don't mean any harm. I probably would say the same thing if I wasn't traveling this road I am on. I guess I just feel like others should be more considerate, but at the same time, I don't want to make others feel like they can't say what they want. I just can't stand being constantly reminded of what my child can't do. People just can't imagine what that feels like. I want to be reminded of good things. I want to be reminded that I have her here with me, and thats all that matters right now..No matter what she can or can't do, she will always be my little girl, the love of my life! I am just so full of emotion and I'm not sure what to do with it sometimes. I started this blog to let everyone know how Isabella is doing but also to get it all out there and maybe I could help someone else in the process. And maybe that will help heal me too
Mommy loves you Isabella
